Anyone have a quarter?

Today's question - where is the line between confident and cocky?

A guy "liked" my profile picture today, so I took a peek at his profile.  First reaction - UGH! because his profile name uses two of the verboten words. But then I saw his picture, and he's seriously good-looking, has perfect teeth and a great smile, plus I could fall INTO his dimple!!  And I do love dimples!  So I continued on and looked at his other pictures.  And there it is - the obligatory in-the-mirror picture (what IS it with this!?!? - do they have NO friends that will take their picture?!??!) that looked more or less like this:



Now granted, he's unbelievably good-looking and has a killer bod, but does the killer bod NEED to be part of the profile pics?  How is a mere mortal female to compete?  I'm sure it took a lot of work to get his abs to that point, and I appreciate and admire that kind of discipline and effort, and but quite frankly, when your abs look like this

on a GOOD day, the six-pack is a bit intimidating.  Mid-40s women who have had children rarely have flat stomachs.  It  goes against nature.  I mean, sure, you could bounce a rubber ball off my abs...

So I ask you - in this brave new world of online dating, at what point does confident become cocky?  Athletic become arrogant?

This is too hard for me, and not in a good way!

OK, seriously, how do people do this?  Every time I start trolling through my "matches" I find that the worst, most judgmental version of myself takes over.  Imagine if Sybil tried online dating.  Below are some of the thoughts that spring to mind...

• Too short
• Really?  That's the best picture you could find of yourself?
• Do you own even ONE shirt with sleeves?
• Looks old enough to be my father.
• Looks young enough to be my son.
• Do you KNOW how to smile?
• You're a tool/douchebag/smug asshole/cocky SOB/creeper/etc.
• How much product is IN your hair?

And anyone whose profile name includes the words hot, handsome, cool, doctor, soft hands, etc., immediately gets categorized in the tool/douchebag/smug asshole/cocky SOB/creeper bucket.  Sadly, that rules out quite a few of them...

Of course, most of those thoughts/comments are my insecurity talking, because the other voice in my head is saying...

• He's cute, but he viewed my profile and didn't contact me, which means he's CLEARLY not interested, so I can't contact him (i.e. I'm a hideous troll and not good enough)
• He wants someone who's slender or athletic and toned, and I'm not, so I might as well not even bother (i.e. I'm a fat, hideous troll and not good enough)
• He wants someone who has her act together and I'm still gathering all the parts of mine (i.e. I'm a spastic moron and not good enough)

And I'm really not that insecure - about average on the insecurity scale.  I like myself - quite a bit, in fact.  I think I'm a good person, reasonably attractive, reasonably together, funny, minimal baggage, with maybe a sad lack of fashion sense, but all-in-all, I'd put myself in the "good catch" category.  I have great kids, a great family, and tons of great friends who think I'm pretty awesome.  Some who even think I'm more awesome than I think I am.  And meeting new people is something I enjoy.  I'm comfortable in my own skin.  So I ask again...how do people do this?  I know it can be done.  My ex met his fiancee online. I have a friend who met her husband online, she even moved from another state so they could be together.  And I don't get how they did it...  Are/were they more open than I am?  Are/were they less judgmental/insecure than I am?  Am I doing it wrong?

Here's to fewer good stories for Sunday brunch!

So a couple of weeks ago, we two 40-something single ladies decided to stop talking about being ready, willing and able to be in a new relationship.  We decided instead to get off of our @$$e$ and actually DO something about it.  Novel approach, we realized, but hey, go big or go home, right?  Enter Match.com.  Hilarity ensues, followed closely by the need for a blog, because really, it's an adventure that needs to be discussed.  And shared.  And discussed some more.  Or as my friend Kelly says, there is no such thing as a bad date - there are only Good Dates, and Good Stories for Sunday Brunch.  So here's to more Good Dates and fewer Good Stories for Sunday Brunch!